word I just learned from a porn site 

masturbatrix

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@BestGirlGrace dick so totally nondescript i fell asleep looking at it. cum tastes like room temperature tap water coming out of this dick. the toyota camry of dicks over here

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@distressedegg @BestGirlGrace this dicks favorite meal is a slice of untoasted bread with water

dick so average it could be consisdered statistically irrelevant

dick so boring you the only targeted porn you can find is this post

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@fluxom_alt @BestGirlGrace did Brian Eno compose this dick, because i feel like it's just melting into the background

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@fluxom_alt @BestGirlGrace took me a whole five minutes before i even noticed it was out. had to cross my eyes to see it like a Magic Eye

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@distressedegg @BestGirlGrace It it was worse it'd at least be memorable, but at best this dick can hope to get a few pickups of curiosity on redbox before being sold to netflix on a cheap bundle

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@fluxom_alt @distressedegg if this dick was a sequel, it'd be the second to last direct to video one before the reboot

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@fluxom_alt @distressedegg just the Leprechaun In The Hood of dicks, only there to set up the much funnier-named sequel

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@distressedegg @fluxom_alt it's like one of those hidden object pictures, except I found the paintbrush and the wedding ring before I found this dick

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@BestGirlGrace @fluxom_alt ever heard of a "cognitohazard"? this dick is whatever the opposite of that is. it's so boring it fires zero stray synapses in the human brain. this dick is so inert that you could line a bunker with photos of it in the event of total psychic fallout

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@distressedegg @fluxom_alt this dick is so cognitively safe, the SCP foundation refuses to study it

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@BestGirlGrace @fluxom_alt dick so boring it's like smelling salts for kink. if you show it to a hopelessly horny brainjacked drone she immediately snaps out out of it and go back to being a junior real estate agent from Tacoma named Emily

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@distressedegg @fluxom_alt I'd say "safeword ass dick", but we know this thing's never been anywhere near a butt

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@BestGirlGrace @distressedegg @fluxom_alt "My safepart is my penis, if you see it, that means stop, something's gone very wrong."

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@Colophonscrawl @distressedegg @fluxom_alt "trust me, you won't want to keep going anyways."

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@BestGirlGrace @distressedegg @fluxom_alt "Is that it? Oh... Don't worry, I uhh... I mean, no offense, but... Well... Oh, I think I'm getting a phone call. Oh shit, I have to take this, sorry, this could be a while but it was so nice meeting you!"

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@BestGirlGrace @distressedegg @fluxom_alt this dick was actually Douglas Adams' inspiration for the concept of the SEP field

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@BestGirlGrace @pillowcat @fluxom_alt Not My Circus Penis. Not My Spankable Monkey

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@BestGirlGrace @distressedegg @fluxom_alt so fucking plain no one takes credit for having it

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@pillowcat @BestGirlGrace @distressedegg if this dick were a presidential candidate it'd be Aaron Burr, sir.

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@fluxom_alt @BestGirlGrace @distressedegg i have no idea who the fuck that is

but that just proves the point

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@pillowcat @BestGirlGrace @fluxom_alt did i just eat an entire package of generic brand white bread hot dog rolls, wadded into as small of a ball as possible before being consumed? oh wait no. i just sucked this dick. yawn

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@distressedegg @pillowcat @fluxom_alt we've done it. we've found the ISO standard dick. the one all others are measured by.

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@distressedegg @pillowcat @BestGirlGrace If I had anything nice to say about this dick it's that I can move on with my life like nothing ever happened.

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@fluxom_alt @distressedegg @pillowcat if this dick was an ice cream flavor, it'd be water

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@BestGirlGrace @distressedegg @pillowcat At first I thought this dick was a particularly bland designed by committee dildo, but at least that would taste of silicon.

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@fluxom_alt @distressedegg @pillowcat the dildo committee is a bunch of squares, but at least they usually pick an interesting color

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@fluxom_alt @BestGirlGrace @pillowcat i got an unsolicited dick pick of this dick sent to me on my phone and i thought it was an ad for a new luxury condo hi-rise getting built in my historic seattle neighborhood at first

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@distressedegg @BestGirlGrace @pillowcat This dick is a work in progress

I hope

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@fluxom_alt @BestGirlGrace @pillowcat fuckin Steam Early Access looking dick over here

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@distressedegg @fluxom_alt @pillowcat dick stolen from the default asset store

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@BestGirlGrace @distressedegg @pillowcat if I were in college I'd have to give a critical art review of this dick because my grade depends on it.

The best I could really say is that it's not upsetting, but I don't really get anything from it either. The artist needs to work on making their voice heard, but in no small part am I afraid that they might not have a voice to be heard in the first place. Five out of ten, I guess.

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@fluxom_alt @distressedegg @pillowcat This dick doesn't have musk, it has Febreze

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@fluxom_alt @distressedegg @BestGirlGrace surgeon says you gotta go with something other than the penile inversion technique because, and i quote, "Something can't be made out of nothing."

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@BestGirlGrace @fluxom_alt @distressedegg i dunno, at least water's refreshing when you're thirsty

same can't be said about this dick

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@pillowcat @BestGirlGrace @distressedegg in Europe this dick would need to be carbonated before people would even consider it, but fortunately in america we're tasteless and willing to subject ourselves to... whatever this is I guess.

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@pillowcat @BestGirlGrace @distressedegg This dick is the equivalent of an anti-magic field in DnD. It exists just to make the world boring.

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@distressedegg @BestGirlGrace @fluxom_alt Rothko's perfectly normal, harmless snake.

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@distressedegg if this dick was a color, it'd be beige. if this dick was a tv show, it'd be watching Friends for the fifth time. if this dick was a statistical distribution, it'd be the normal distribution

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