DEAR TED TURNER,

I’VE BEEN WATCHING YOUR CARTOONS NETWORKS NONSTOP FOR THE BETTER PART OF A MONTH NOW AND I GOTS TA SAY: WHERE ARE THE HUNKS? WHERE ARE THE HIMBOS? WHERE ARE ALL THE SASSY CATBOY TWINKS? WHAT KIND OF A CARTOONS TELEVISIONS ANIMATIONS IS THIS HULLABALOO

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I’VE ATTACHED A PHOTO TO THIS LETTER OF THE ONLY TWINK I COULD FIND IN YOUR VAST LIBRARY OF CARTOONS SHOWS. PLEASE RECTIFY THIS ISSUE IMMEDIATELY OR I’M GONNA WRITE ANOTHER LETTER TO JOHNNY COMCAST TO TELL EM TO SHUT YOUR ASS DOWN. SINCERELY, A CONCERNED CUSTOMER

@distressedegg I met Ted Turner at a party* once and let me tell you: the man's never enjoyed a twink in his life

*gala my high school threw to get money from rich people. I watched him fuck up the thing I was demoing three times, when most people only got one try

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