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the greatest trick the devil ever pulled was just being way hotter than god

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if you wanna be my plover, you gotta get with my wrens

Sauron signing up for the trial version of the ring which protects against human men, not purchasing the entire immortality package

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wacky man hole, wacky golf, north myrtle beach, south carolina, 1979

Hnghghg I'm a thirsty little FOSS, you have to fix my issues. You have to use your free time

The results are in! 53% of people want to lay an egg, whereas only 47% of people don't.

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while a bog beast inside your living space may be frightening, it's important to respect their vital role in the ecosystem. they control pest insects, rodents and invasive swamp hags that cause disease with their curses and spells

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@wolfteeth *gently but deftly using a folded-in-half newspaper to prod a two ton mass of lichen, dirt and assorted bones out of the back door* ahh come on fella. there you go. howd you even get in here i wonder

if you discover a bog beast in your home, you may capture it in a humane trap and release it in a nearby swamp, to continue shambling in its natural environment

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bog beasts must be permitted to freely engage in their natural behaviors, such as shambling, stumbling, and groaning

once again rising from the mud of the dark bog to terrorize neighboring farms and villages

By age 300 you should:

1. Have outlived everyone you knew
2. Dwell in ruins
3. See strong men blanch to gaze upon you
4. Believe that if God is real, they have forsaken you
5. Shiver at the thought that you may see the stars themselves wink out in the night sky

What else?

[singing a little song, gently shaking a tambourine slightly out of rhythm] please vote, in your local elections

he's not a headless horseman, he's a headfree horseman

i bet satans dick tastes like big red chewing gum

"I’ve had the soft, leathery caress of a bat’s wing against my buttocks while having a poo"—Leejiah Dorward, whose paper on Tanzanian outhouse bats was recently published in the African Journal of Ecology. Sabrina Imbler writes about the research for the NYT:

Excitingly, another toilet bat paper is on the way, this time from Kenya.

#science #news #Tanzania #shitposting 🐘

not answering any little guys "riddles three" today. no thanks, pal! miss me with that

growing some extra bones in case i break any. happy halloween everyone

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